MASSILLION, Oh. (BNC) by Rick Kelly — This past Sunday, two funny things happened to me.
And if you’ve ever listened to Jeanie Robertson, the comedienne, you’ll get this. Just tonight I had someone tell me: “Oh, you’re left-brain for sure!”
First: I took a nap around 2 pm. About 3, I woke up, very startled. I knew it was Sunday. And it was daylight. That’s not good. I usually get up between 4-4:30 every Sunday. It was too bright outside. Something was wrong.
I jumped out of bed, and look, and Sam (my wife) is sleeping too. Oh, no. She overslept too.
I literally run down the stairs. On my way my thoughts are swirling … How did this happen? How did we both miss our alarms?
I go by my boys’ bedroom and my oldest is on his computer. Why? Doesn’t he know what day it is? What time it is? No time to ask. I’m going downstairs. Why? I don’t know that either.
My heart is racing. I get to the bottom of the steps. Most of the other kids are in the living room. They are dressed for church, but they are unfazed by the fact that we’ve obviously all missed church and their parents have irresponsibly slept half the day away. Why didn’t they wake us? What are they doing? No clue. I think I shouted, “What are you guys doing?” before I turned and went back upstairs.
I ran to the bedroom window and lift the blind some more. I grab my phone off the sill. “3 o’clock.” PM. Yes. Afternoon. Morning worship! I thought, “Why didn’t one of the elders call? Why didn’t I get up and preach this morning?”
By this time my wife is awake and staring at me. Why is she not freaking out? I’m freaking out. Isn’t she worried? My heart is pounding. “Sam! It’s three o clock! What are we doing? How did it get to be three o clock?” She says, “Is that a problem?” I ask: “What day is it?” She says, “Sunday.”
Sunday? Sunday! Why are we not ALL freaking out that we are just now getting up at three in the afternoon on SUNDAY?!
Then, as I turned to go back into the hallway (for no apparent reason), it finally dawned on me. My left arm was tingling. It was very heavy. It was asleep. “Why?”
Oh my. We were taking a nap! We had gone to church. I had preached. We came home. We ate lunch. We laid down for a nap.
I was in such a deep sleep, it took me a solid minute to realize what was going on. Wow. It took me another 5 more minutes to recover.
Second: Later that night, after my evening sermon on Psalm 117, one of our young men came up to me in the foyer and says, not, “Nice sermon,” or “good job,” but, “Nice shoes!”
I’m thinking to myself, “I always wear these shoes. What’s he talking about?”
I look down. I see my right shoe. Same black dress shoe as always.
Wait. Why is his face so red? Why is he laughing so hard?
“What’s so funny?”
I look down again. I see both shoes …